Reservoir Fiction
by niko56
Summary: A generous mixing of two Tarantino classics, Total Drama Style! Join Chris, and Chef, and others as they are taken through the fun and confusing world of a romantic and crime ridden non-linear story, filled with scandal, shootings, and of course; you guessed it: DRAMA! And the Big Kahuna Burger. So, I implore you guys to enjoy, review, and get ready for a confusing short series!


**Disclaimer: I own nothing that is in said Fanfic of sorts**

**A/N: Howdy. This is a little ditty for those of you that want a little confusion and nostalgia with your coffee, a quick short series filled with crude humor, potty mouths, and a whole bunch of other stuff I'm sure you will like, enjoy; don't sue.**

**Rated T: coarse language, tobacco use, implied sexual deviance, implied use of alcohol and marijuana, murder**

"**Reservoir Fiction"**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Chili Runs**

**...5 years after Total Drama...**

**. . .**

**. . .**

**. . .**

...Burbank...

In their really cool Corvette, we see Chef driving, with Chris sitting shotgun. Both hadn't aged much in five years, but some features would point to differences. Chris had grown more of a mullet, Chef, an afro, with a snazzy mustache. Each wore a black three piece suit, matching.

"So, will you explain to me again what is so damn fascinating about The Walking Dead? They're on what? 6 seasons now, or some sh*t?" Chef asked

"It's got topical relevance." Chris began not looking up at Chef

"Topical relevance?" Chef retorted raising an eyebrow "Alright Doctor Hollywood, since you've confused the f*ck outta me twice in 5 minutes, explain to me what the hell topical relevance is, and do try to not confuse me in the process this time." Chef insisted.

Chris lit a cigarette. "It's simple, uh...okay-remember the cold war? Huh?" Chris asked Chef

"Not well." Chef answered

"Alright well...you know all those films-like...l-like the Tom Clancy sh*t, with Jack Ryan, all about Russia, the cold war-it was a relevant thing." Chris explained

"Uh-huh." Chef nodded

"And uh...James Bond, what are we at-24 movies, there working on 25?" Chris asked

"Hell I think they working on number 26, I even read in Variety Magazine that Craig ain't coming back." Chef explained

"No sh*t? Who are they gonna use?" Chris asked

"I don't f*cking know, I've heard anyone from Christian Bale to Leo DiCaprio." Chef shrugged

Chris turned to Chef "Oh I'd go Bale." he nodded

"Any particular preference?" Chef asked

"He's British, born in England? DiCaprio's a Yank, it's gotta be tradition, UK born to be Bond." Chris insisted.

"Wait." Chef pondered "George Lazenby was Australian."

"Whatever, same sh*t-close enough-besides he was in what-one of em?" Chris asked with a shrug

"On Her Majesty's Secret Service." Chef nodded "1969."

"Whatever, that one wasn't even memorable." Chris sighed flicking his cigarette out the window."Wait-what the hell was I saying?" he asked

"What do you mean?" Chef asked

"Well I had a train of thought, it was about Bond, then we got on a tangent-what the f*ck was I talking about?" Chris bellowed

"Hell if I know-oh wait-uh...sh*t." Chef scratched his head "Something about the Cold War, or some sh*t like that?"

"Oh yeah!" Chris remembered "Topical relevance-right, okay; Bond, 1962, Cold War sh*t, most of the movies."

"The Cold War ended in '91, they made plenty a movies after that." Chef scoffed

"Exactly, but you had to move with the times, war was over-they had to think of new sh*t, move with the times, relevant with topics from the now-hence; topical relevance." Chris finished

"You still haven't explained to me what the hell that sh*t has to do with the Walking Dead." Chef added

"Erg." Chris did a facepalm "It's like this...Kids today-"

"Kids today-ha-ha-ha." Chef interrupted

"The f*cks so damn funny?" Chris asked a little perturbed

"Kids today, w-what are you 60? Kids today, that's a bunch a old man bullsh*t McLean." Chef chuckled

"F*ck you, look; kids like those stupid f*cking zombie games right? Shit-my nephew can f*ckin'-f*ckin'-what's the word." Chris pondered "He can like play that sh*t till the f*cking cows come home, I swear he has one of those stupid little gamers chairs, give him a Mountain Dew or one of them Five Hour Energy f*ckers-he won't stop till he collapses from eyestrain, or at least a seizure." Chris explained

"So you're telling me there's a low chance he would stop playing if he had a seizure? His eyes bugging out, body spazing, he'd still be able to move his little thumbs on that console?" Chef asked

"He's relentless, if it was a f*ckin' Olympic sport, he'd take gold."

"That's f*cked up, boy needs his exercise." Chef shook his head

"No man, I swear he has the hardest working metabolism of any 14 year old I've ever seen-sh*t I wish I could weight playing video games all day like him, not burning 1,000 calories at the gym every damn day." Chris complained

"Every damn day, hell yeah." Chef nodded

They stopped at a red light at a four way intersection, where a McDonalds was right next to the car, of Course Chris took notice "You know Tarantino wasn't dicking around." he explained

"What do you mean?" Chef asked

"France, they really do call a Quarter Pounder a Royale with cheese."

"Royale with cheese, it even sounds fancy." Chef smirked "what about a Whopper, they never said that."

"Whopper's a Whopper but like a Big Mac they call it Le Whopper." Chris explained

"Le Whopper?" Chef retorted

"No-no-no, you gotta say it all French and facy-Le Whop-pear, Whop...pear."

"Le Whoppear." Chef smiled

"Le Whoppear-ole, muzzle tov and all that sh*t." Chris said flatly.

"That's crazy." Chef added. He turned right

"Wait-wait, where we going?" Chris asked "Her house is left I thought?"

"Detour, were getting some breakfast first, chill the nips." Chef explained

"What? Were getting f*cking breakfast before a job?" Chris asked

"It was Randy's idea-it's the most important meal of the day you know." Chef explained

"F*ck Randy, this better not take long." Chris turned to Chef. "She's a real ditz you know?"

"I know." Chef nodded

"She had this coming, little bitch."

"I know...I know...she was stupid-they all were, but what does it matter, that was then, this is now-yo I hear shes a lesbian now." Chef explained

"Get out, who with?" Chris asked

"What the f*ck do I look like Huffpost? I just know it's someone from the show." Chef shrugged

"Really? Interesting." Chris nodded "I used to fuck her good on the show."

"Really?" Chef asked a tad skeptical

"Fuck yeah, all the time, she liked it too...never did return my calls...never visited me in prison, turns into a dyke, little bitch." Chris sneered

"Oh yeah I heard you were in stir pre-trial for like 6 months, then the DA dropped everything, what the f*ck was with that?" Chef asked

"Hey, I was in 8 months, get your facts right, and uh...America "claimed" I was under warrant for some unsolved sh*t back in '95, they tried to get indictments, Then Japan tried to get a bench warrant for some bullsh*t charge back in Word Tour-it was a mess, DA dropped everything, encouraged me to change my name, I'm also not allowed back into Japan, and I sure as sh*t can't get any trouble here in Yankeeville or I'm f*cked. But we should be good."

"You never did change your name." Chef remembered

"What's the point? Who cares, couldn't go back to acting, had to do this sh*t, more lucrative."

"True." Chef agreed. He pulled into the parking lot of a nice diner. "Last Chance Diner. Sh*t they gotta mean chili omelet boy, it'll knock you out." Chef smiled

"Chili? And were gonna go do a job?" Chris asked a little annoyed, they both exited the car

"What do you got against chili?" Chef asked

"One: I don't wanna f*cking smell your chili farts, and second: I don't need you alerting people with your smelly chili farts!" Chris yelled

"And third: inside voice motherf*cker! You don't know who the fuck's listening." Chef insisted

"Whatever, come on." Chris led them inside

The Diner looked like anything else one would see out of a 1950's eatery. The duo had entered, and spotted their crew. Three of them, the one called Randy, had slicked back brown hair, and a goatee, short. The one next to him, named Jed a little older, a man with greyish hair, and the final, Gary, a clean cut guy with very slick black hair, all 5 were matching.

"Hey!" they cheered

"Chefy, Chrisy, take a seat, we just ordered." Jed insisted, the two took their seats. "It's safe to assume you're both getting the chili omelet, we are."

"Best damn Omelet in all of LA." Gary insisted

"Of course." Chef said, their waiter approached "Oh uh, coffee-black, and a chili omelet, spare nothing."

"Coming right up, and you handsome?" she asked Chris

"Uh-F*ck, gimme the omelet, coffee, three creams-no sugar." Chris ordered

"No problem." she left

"So, yesterday sure was brutal huh?" Randy asked

"Zip it Randall, I don't wanna hear it." Chef ordered

"Seriously, it's in the passed, it's bullsh*t, what matters is the here and the now, comprende?" Gary asked

"Whatever, anyway kudos on you two for getting the sh*t back." Randy nodded to Chris and Chef

"We try." Suddenly Gary's stomach rumbled

"Oh boy, can't be getting them runs already, I'll be right back boys." he got up to hit the restroom

"Ugh." Chris rolled his eyes "This is exactly what I'm talking about-who the hell eats chile-much less a chili omelet before a f*cking heist?" he whispered

"Apparently you." Jed smirked

"You ordered it." Randy added

"You know, speaking of which, I should hit the can myself, I had me one of those Arizona tall cans, good stuff, goes right through ya though." Jed too got up and left to go to the men's room

"Chris may have a point though, chili before a job might not be a good idea-besides I hear the farts get so loud, they're bathrooms are soundproof." Randy noted

"Oh God." Chris rolled his eyes

"Apparently, this girl's house, shes a good friend of Heather Rollins." Randy explained casually

"Our bosses wife?" Chef asked "Who by the by used to be a...acquaintance of ours-did you f*ck her too?" Chef asked Chris

"Her? No." Chris said looking away.

"Yeah well, we uh...uh-uh-u-uh-gotta make this job good, the boss already ain't too thrilled about the other he-"

"Randall." Chef ordered "Forget about it."

"Drop it Randy." Chris ordered

"Okay-okay-yai-f*ck!" he accidentally spilled his coffee on himself

"Sh*t!" Chef got some napkins

"Ya f*ckin butter fingers-what's the matter with you?" Chris asked

"F*ck you, this sh*t is f*cking hot-F*ck, I'll be right back, I gotta towel this sh*t off." Randy got up to use the men's room "F*ck!"

...15 minutes later...

"Shit, what hell are they doing in there?" Chris asked Chef

"I don't know but they're omelet's is getting mighty cold." Chef said finishing his "Ooooooh, I think I'll be joining them, they better be an open stall in there!" he stood up

"I'll join you, I wanna see what they hell they're doing."

The two approached the restroom, the opened up the door, and were flabbergasted at what they saw, it was a sight that would surprise the two of them...

**To Be Continued...**

"**Reservoir Fiction"**


End file.
